Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
