Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
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