my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
