im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
