It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
