The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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