North Korea, Best Korea!
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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