Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
