you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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