At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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