Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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