Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
