Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
