I just made out with a guy for $7.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
