Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
