i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
