had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
