Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
There r osticjed everywhere
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
