I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
