Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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