Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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