so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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