dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
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