You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
