I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
