Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
