Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
