Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
