I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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