Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Shame is for Republicans.
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