You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
