Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
