Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
