If i come over, it means nothing
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
