She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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