Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
