Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
