i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
