Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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