I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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