Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My vagina is officially offended.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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