What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
