I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
