I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
