Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
