Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
