erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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