i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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