i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
i think im in europe. pls send help
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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