I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
