perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
