Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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