I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
