This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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