Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
