the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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