Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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