Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
