i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
