I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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