Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
