I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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